Discover Real Self-Worth

Aum Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya.

Haribol.

So the topic: discovering real self-worth. A very prominent online resource that deals with psychology lists the five top factors that people use to measure and to compare their self-worth or the worth of others; and the first one on the list is appearance, body size and weight, size of your pants or your dress, the nature of and the frequency of positive attention from others, compliments on supposedly how you look.

The second one—and this is not necessarily in order, but I think the first one is the first thing that people pay attention to. The second one is your net worth, your financial means or income, the nature or quantity or value of your material possessions, your financial assets, or maybe all of the above then.

The third one is who you know, like if you know somebody really famous you’re just like, you’re just dying to tell people. Every time you meet someone new, “Oh, I was just talking with so and so the other day,” or, “Last weekend I bumped into them again,” because it inflates in other people’s mind your sense of self-worth.

Then, what you do. And that may be like, a really nice kind of work that everybody goes, “Oh really? That’s so nice that you do that,” or you may have a high position in a corporation, or you can somehow have—engage in something that others feel are prestigious. Like amongst the artists, if you paint, you’re like really cool. Amongst the businessmen that’s not very cool, amongst the housewives maybe not very cool either. It’s kind of like so, whatever—different groups value different things differently.

Then the fifth one is the things that you achieve. And that can be anything from letting everybody know about the trip that you took to some place, or some educational attainment, or some sort of award, some sort of athletic achievement, can be anything like this. And people really embrace this as being an indication of how valuable you are.

People often—you know like how you have like a what-do-they-call-them, Geiger counter for detecting radiation, when it goes near radiation it d-d-d-drrr makes a louder noise, or people use metal detectors going looking for gold or something: the great detector for most people is the mirror. People spend a good deal of time in front of the mirror really struggling with this idea of creating higher self-worth by doing all the things that you need to do to, what people consider “improve” how your face looks and how your skin is.

Nowadays though things have kind of like shifted a bit. We have this whole movement towards what’s broadly referred to as body positivity, which means—or it’s sort of like  encapsulized in some of the sayings that people throw out there, like “Everyone is beautiful in their own right,” and, “You’re beautiful just the way you are.” And so people want everybody to start embracing kind of like different body types and shapes, even those that were conventionally not thought of as being very attractive. Oh no, now you have to see that as actually being appealing and attractive.

And of course, one of the big drivers for this idea is that the idea of beauty or whatever is only a social construct. It’s just something that society has determined. And of course, that’s absolutely not true. If you look in the animal kingdom, within circles of animals, flocks of birds, herds of zebras or giraffes or whatever, cows, you will—there is an observable phenomena that the rest of the herd gravitates to the young and vibrant, to the powerfully built, to those with great strength, those that have a certain prowess, whether it’s a female or a male in the species, even animals. And it’s, they say it’s a genetic drive. But it also occurs even within little children. Like they’ve done tests on babies, their reaction to certain shapes of faces and the way people look, and little babies just spontaneously react differently. They recognize what people consider to be standards of beauty.

So the idea that all of these things are just social constructs, and we can—we should embrace everything as being all just the same, and everything is so wonderfully worthy and it’s—we’re mean and cruel if we don’t, if we make any kind of discrimination. The word discrimination is not a bad word. You’ve got to put an adjective in front of it to make it bad, like racial discrimination or whatever, but to discriminate means to just discern.

So all of these ideas however, they really do run counter to a spiritual perspective. And from the spiritual perspective the idea of reinforcing or embracing material identities is considered ignorant and will lead to suffering. So they got a little formula in most of the dharmic traditions, and the formula is “ignorance equals pain and suffering.” So if in your life you’re feeling some torment or some pain or suffering, it will invariably be because we have embraced something that is fundamentally untrue, and as a result of it we end up suffering.

This sort of like points to this big question then: discovering real self-worth. The big word there is “self.” Who am I actually? And the great discovery that is so liberating for everyone is the discovery that the body is not me, and the mind is not me, that I am an eternal spiritual being residing within this temporary covering that’s on a trajectory. The trajectory is kind of like up, it reaches a peak it, plateaus a little bit, and then it’s just heading south, heading to crash and burn territory.

And so if we are going to struggle to try and attach ideas or feelings of my worthiness, my value, simply to this exterior covering, then I promise you, doesn’t matter what that covering looks like right now, it will come to the point where it causes you great pain and suffering. I can remember seeing this interview of Elizabeth Taylor. In her prime she was considered and categorized as the most beautiful woman in the world.

And of course, I don’t know who’s up there now, Kim Kardashian or whoever. In fact it’s got really weird. Everybody’s got like the same face. They, all the plastic surgeons, do the same lip fillers and the same cheek plumping and jawline thing, and they all do the same stuff, butt implants because that’s become a sign of beauty now, a big butt, whereas before it was kind of like, “Eeew, big butt,” now it’s like, “Oooh, big butt.” That’s kind of—what the hell’s going on here, if that becomes the idea of what makes you valuable or worthy or… It’s just, it’s really not a good place.

So in this interview Elizabeth Taylor in the later part of her life had become so traumatized by the labeling that she was the most beautiful woman in the world, that as the body aged she refused to go into the public, and she refused to be seen by anyone other than a few very, very close friends, Michael Jackson being one. And he of course, had his own problems. And it’s sort of like, oh my gods, how painful is that? You’re a multi-millionaire, and you should be having a very nice life, but you feel you just have to hide away, and you can’t go anywhere because you don’t want anybody to see what your body looks like now, because you feel devastated. And it’s like you want to keep the mirage up there so that everybody becomes focused on that.

In all spiritual teachings they really encouraged people to cultivate an understanding of the true self, of my true spiritual identity that I’ve become really disconnected from. It’s like I don’t know even who I really am. I have a sense that I exist and everything, but apart from what my body looks like, who am I truly? This is an amazing question, and this is where the quest needs to be.

But in order to be able to come to a position of being at peace, then one needs to become very tolerant of material conceptions and materialistic ideas. Materialism is founded on the fundamental idea, mistaken idea, that I am material, meaning I am this body. This is the foundation for all materialism. And the foundation for a spiritual life is the appreciation that I am an eternal spiritual being temporarily residing within a material body.

And so you will see in the ancient yogic, or spiritual, texts there were all these verses that sort of direct people how to cultivate a certain outlook on life, a certain type of appreciation.

So I’ll read one. It’s from the Bhagavad-gita, from the sixth chapter.

“For—”

Well, let me just say this before I read it. There was this understanding that you have like—the living being has two coverings, the gross physical body, but then there is a subtle body that covers the soul, the living being. This subtle body is made up of the mind and what’s called the intelligence or buddhi, and the false ego, or the ego if you like, the false concept of self. And it was understood that if a person becomes absorbed in the body or they are surrendered to the mind, and whatever, wherever their minds going, they’re following, whatever is happening in the mind, that’s my world.

Whereas the reality was that a person must learn to be the master of the body and the master of their mind. We are meant to be deciding what the content of our mind is going to be, what type of thoughts we are going to have, what type of desires we are going to have. And if I learn how to do this my life can become amazing, really wonderful. Even in the midst of enormous difficulty, what others would see as great difficulty, I can be completely at peace and truly happy. And so this was called conquering the mind, rather than you being enslaved by the mind, that you are the director of the mind.

So in this verse:

“For one who has conquered the mind, the Supreme Soul is already reached, for he has attained tranquillity. To such a person happiness and distress, heat and cold, honor and dishonor are all the same.”

How about that: to be in a place where if someone tells you, “Oh you look amazing,” you don’t feel elated, because that’s not me; and if someone says, “Oh my God, you look like crap,” you don’t get disappointed, you’re not dejected, you’re not upset. Just like, well maybe I need to take care of things. Maybe there’s something I can do to be a little bit healthier, but you’re not influenced you’re not driven by that.

So many verses. I’ll just read another one really quickly. It’s:

“For one who is equal toward the desirable and the undesirable; who is steady, situated equally well

in praise and blame, in honor and dishonor; who treats alike both friend and enemy; who has renounced all material activities—such a person is said to have transcended the modes of nature.”

—the modes of nature means the control of the material world and all of its influences upon me.

So, there’s actually lots of them.

But this was sort of like the ideal, to become so situated in the appreciation of your spiritual identity, that experience that—this is called self-realization, that one becomes unaffected by the things that pull everybody else left and right. The truth is that no material condition is actually relevant to your true value. You, the eternal spiritual being, have inherent worth, and that worth is limitless, but when you forget that and become absorbed in ideas, “Am I pretty enough? Am I handsome enough? Am I attractive enough?” and I’m just driven by everybody else, what they have to say about my exterior, exterior garment, the body, then this is considered to be actually an unfortunate and even hellish state.

Many people don’t appreciate self-worth, their real self-worth, because they identify with a temporary body and mind instead of their nature as the spirit soul, the actual self. You are incredibly valuable because you are spiritual in essence. You are part and parcel of, and eternally connected to, the Supreme Soul, and you are of infinite value.

If you’re going to have a sense of value that is dependent upon somebody else’s opinion or their idea, it’s like, oh my God, you’re just at the mercy of others. You can easily become a victim of bullying and manipulation and mind games.  I mean, a great deal of violence that people experience—the physical violence is one level, the mental violence is on a whole ‘nother level. And that can only occur when we don’t know who we truly are, and we are feeling dependent upon what somebody else has to say about this idea of “us,” who—the idea of my so-called self. And this is a terrible situation.

So, you can see the idea, the approach, from the spiritual perspective, is really different from what you’re going to be told in the realms of modern psychology and psychiatry, where so much emphasis is placed upon the mind and feelings,and there is almost no recognition that we need to become masters of our mind and our emotions, our desires, and not enslaved by this. And gravitating towards people that simply offer shallow praise of external things, and thinking, “Oh, now I’m safe, now it’s all wonderful,” is not a good place to be, because everything material, including relationships, change. Everything changes.

All so-called material assets, like beauty, dexterity, mental dexterity, flexibility, your ability to do things, all of this will be lost in time. And if we are attaching the idea of self-worth and value to these fleeting and passing things, of course you’re going to be in anxiety. How can you not be in anxiety?—even if everything’s looking really good now!  I mean, even you have a—you spend thousands, and you have so much work done to your face, you’re constantly staring in the mirror looking for those crow’s feet, looking for the wrinkle, “Oh my God!” [miming finding a wrinkle] because they’re indicators of where everything’s going, and we’re wanting to things to be different.

Because we have a nature that is eternal, the idea of aging and becoming dilapidated, and death, is all very frightening, but when we become comfortably situated in the reality that we are eternal spiritual beings, and we are in touch with our true spiritual nature, and we are living a spiritually founded and directed life, then all of this stuff is like, whoa, no big deal, and it’s not very relevant. It doesn’t alter my sense of worth or value. That’s all based on a spiritual understanding of who I truly am. And if you don’t come to this platform, then you live in fear, fear of the crow’s feet.

I remember one time, I was in India doing some business for a Malaysian Company, real estate business, and there was this guy working with a big American firm, and he’d just got married. He was a really nice guy, and his wife was rather lovely lady, but I mean, just like massively made up, I mean massively—the nails and the heavy foundation and the makeup and the hair, everything just like perfect all the time. And he had asked if we could have a meeting. We were meant to have it the day before. He was on his honeymoon, and he’s having a meeting! So anyway, he says, could we come up to the hotel. He’s got a suite, and we’ll meet like at, I think it was 11:30. So, we said sure.

So, we went up and we knocked on the door, me and my associate. And his wife comes and—thinking it was the room service—and opens the door and of—she just had a bathrobe on, and her hair was a mess and zero makeup. And she screamed. It just about burst my ear drums. She went, “Gaaaah!!” and covered her face, and turned around with her face—hands over her face, and ran away like that. And of course, we felt terrible. This must have been really upsetting.

But it’s kind of like, oh my gods, when it gets this bad, it’s sort of like… Yeah, we’re all, to certain degrees, in that space. That was kind of like a bit of an extreme example, but we’re all in that space to certain degrees, and that space is one of fearfulness.

The person who is wealthy and enjoys showing off their private jets and their luxury yachts and everything—I used to travel around the world with some of these people, and it was just like, the idea of losing their wealth is frightening for them. And so even while they at the top and everything’s going great, they’re worried. Then the beautiful worry that they’ll become less physically attractive. The intellectuals or scientists, they’re always worrying that their ideas will be defeated or eclipsed by some new finding or some new thing. The people that are into promoting physical health, maybe they teach yoga or workout classes (I’m not suggesting everybody that teaches is in this shape, by the way), but they’re worried that they will, as they age, that they will be less sought after, less praised, less valued by others.

So, we become hostage. It’s like we get held hostage by the things that we are valuing, because we feel these things are what is giving me a sense of value and self-worth. But because these are all connected to the false idea of self, the false self, so there is going to be this insecurity.

All feelings of a lack of so-called self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness are really caused by ignorance. If nothing else, please hold on to that one. If I’m feeling fearful about being insecure, that’s connected to any physical attribute or quality or possession, then I am living in ignorance, and that ignorance will result in my experience of pain and suffering and tremendous insecurity. And for a transcendentalist, it’s absolutely heartbreaking to watch individuals sink into these places. Even when they’re at the top of the game, and they’re saying that they’re all happy about how things are going for them and where they’re at, they go home, and at night they’re filled with insecurity.

Our intrinsic value is actually infinite. Our intrinsic value is infinite! And if we are not experiencing that, it means we are not really experiencing our true self.  We are spiritual in essence. We are part and parcel and connected to the Supreme Soul by an eternal bond of kinship. Each of us is an eternal spiritual being, a child of the Supreme Soul. We are simply just living temporarily in a material body. And when we come to realize what is our true value, our spiritual identity, we will experience absolute freedom from all of these anxieties that plague everyone.

There is an ancient text, one of Upanishads, the Sri Iso Upanishad that states in one of its mantras, the seventh mantra:

“One who always sees all living entities as spiritual sparks, in quality one with the Supreme Soul, becomes a true knower of things. What, then, can be illusion or anxiety for such a person?”

That vision alone, if it is cultivated and developed, means a person sees beyond the physical covering, beyond the mental state, and recognizes the eternal spiritual being within. And because of this, such people are said to have no enemies. They feel compassion and kindness for all, and they feel heartbroken at how much suffering goes on in the world unnecessarily because of these false ideas we’ve adopted.

I mean you could be flying over in a drone, a big one, over Hamilton where we are, and just pick a house, any house, and be able to go down “dszzzzwooo” [sound of descending drone] and become a fly on the wall, and observe the different things going on, the conflicts between individuals, the uncertainty and insecurities of many of the young people, or the old people, or the teenagers. I mean, it’s horrible, the amount of violence and anger and disruption, or just the coldness, the coldhearted way that people deal with each other; yet everybody has this hope for a wonderful life, for something more perfect, for freedom from what they’re going through. And that will only come from the development of an appreciation of my spiritual identity.

When that—when I come to discover who I am, it really changes the way I begin to look at others—just as I was looking in the mirror at my body and thinking this is me, and being so, sometimes elated, often anxious, sometimes filled with pain because of how people were relating to “me,” and it’s not even the real me, but the living being experiences the pain from that false identification, and it’s so utterly unnecessary. The way that you will become free is not by artificially saying, “Oh, it doesn’t matter what my body looks like, it’s beautiful!” And you have to accept that, and if you don’t, you’re a horrible nasty person. Just like—no, that’s not real. Everybody is still going to be filled with anxiousness. The only real solution is this cultivation of the appreciation of my own spiritual identity.

Was that too mean? No?  Does anybody find it as helpful?

Audience: What you’re saying about Elizabeth Taylor— [ACD: huh?] What you’re saying about Elizabeth Taylor, she had—she was quite physically unwell towards the end of her life. She had a—I don’t know what she had but I think that was probably why she didn’t go out.

Acharya das: No, she talked in an interview towards the end, that she couldn’t stand the idea of going out into the public and somebody going, “Oh you’re not the most beautiful woman in the world after all.” And that was, she said, that was traumatizing for her, that idea. So that wasn’t speculative, that was her own words. But she’s not the only one that suffers like this. Everybody does to different degrees. Regular people though, we have to get along, get on with life and our struggles and everything, so we don’t go down that rabbit hole as far as people that have more privilege in life.

It’s not possible to overemphasize these spiritual truths. I promise you all limitless happiness if a person sincerely endeavors to cultivate this spiritual appreciation.

And of course, we know that through this form of meditation, very simple meditation we engage in, that a massive transformation, not only can, but will take place. There will be a shift in our consciousness. There will be a shift in the way we look at ourselves, the way we look at others, our relationships, life, the world in which we live; and that shift will be a desirable shift.

So, I will lead with a kirtan meditation upon one of these mantras. We’ll do the—this one here, the Aum Hari Aum.

Thank you all very much.