Though surrounded by others, I sometimes feel all alone. Why? Will more friends or someone to love fix that?
Someone wrote the following in a blog post, and I think it captures this reality.
“I have almost everything people talk about when it comes to happiness. A good husband, a great job that I enjoy and pays me well.
“But here I am, feeling all confused, blank and painful. I feel numb, suffocate and lifeless.
“For all the reasons I could think of, I should be grateful for the life I have and be happy about it.
“Yes, I am grateful. But I am not happy. I feel guilty for not being happy. I cannot talk to anyone. No one can understand. Even I can’t understand.
“Everything is so quiet. All I can hear is my husband’s breath and the sound of my wall clock. I feel so lonely. I feel like I am the only person in the world have this feeling. This feeling overwhelms me, eats me alive and I find myself lost in it, piece by piece.
“I find myself pushing people away because I think they don’t truly understand me. I try to build a thick wall around me to protect myself and my lonesomeness. Behind the wall, I have the whole world of my own. Except there is nothing in that world.
“I know it is not healthy for me to stay in my world forever.
“I know it is time for me to break the wall. But I just don’t know how.”